Losing Touch

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The violins sound like cat claws on a chalkboard. I'm serious. As I write this, I'm sitting on a carpet floor, surrounded by mini violin cases in a classroom of mostly 5-6 year old girls, with a boy here and there. In their tiny hands they all hold shrunken versions of a violin, just the right size to be proportional to their small bodies and voices. Every two seconds or so one of them slides off their chair and runs over to me, the volunteer in charge of moving them from class to class at their musical summer camp. "Water, please."- "Listen to me play!"- or, my personal favorite- "KIIIITTTT." Their squeal, they yelp, they cling to my legs, they tackle me, they cry. From 9 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon, my best writing hours are dedicated to the smol munchkins and gaining as many community hours as I can for my high school requirement. This has been the majority of my summer. If I'm 100% honest, I've barely touched my laptop to write. Nanowrimo is this month and only about 2 days out of the past 12 have been spent writing.  
    I'm disappointed in myself. I wonder if I'm losing my touch, or worse, my passion. My motto for writing has always been "Write Till It Feels As Natural As Breathing." and write now it feels about as natural as drowning. I'm frustrated. I question my ability daily and I wonder if I'll ever finish another project again. Writing stories has always been my thing. The way I vent, the way I plug into my inner creative fairy and let out the pressure from my mind. I've always loved it. But has the lack of time I've dedicated to it this summer taken that from me?

     I want to say no. I want to believe that this lack of time hasn't made me lose my writing. Sometimes I feel like it has. But then I read a blog post on five minute bursts of writing. The author was a parent with small children, constantly fighting or yelling or calling for them. I'm not a parent, but I related on almost an atomic level. The kids in my class consume my time. When am I supposed to write? I kept reading, and then the author spoke about how they found that in their OH so busy schedule, there were small moments they could write! *gasp* The bursts might only have been for five minutes or so, but it was something! I looked over my own day and realized the same applied for me. Here are plenty of moments I had.

           -during their violin class, when the strings teacher is in charge and I am but a mere distraction to them.
        -during lunch, when the kids are too busy eating to pay attention to me
        -while they are in p.e and i am given a break
        -when all of them decide they must ALL go to the bathroom. At the same time. All 21. 

     As you can see, I do have time. I'm doing it right now. A bag suitably big enough for my laptop has replaced the other, and now I pull it out and write in these spare moments. With this, I'm reconnecting to my writing river and ending the drought, to use a cheesy metaphor. 

       Writing never really leaves. We just mute it for a little bit. Click play, as soon as possible, and restart the soundtrack. (Man I'm on a roll with the metaphors) Don't let moments pass you by. Don't get sucked into the lie that just because you're busy, you need to give up on your writing. It's a God-given talent and there's no need to let schedules consume it.

        -Kit 💝
        

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